Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
