At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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