My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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