Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
