I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
