I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
