I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
