She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
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I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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