I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
