So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
