you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
