it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
