I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
