Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
MIDGETS
????
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
