yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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