I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
