Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
