Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
