My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
