So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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