I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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