Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
