it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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