My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
