I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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