i jhust puked up my retainher.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
