a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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