I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
