We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
