Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
