week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm getting married
To pizza
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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