Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
