I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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