For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
