1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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