and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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