Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize