Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
