Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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