Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
