I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
