I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No subtext here. People are naked.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
