so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
