I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
