i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
