Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
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If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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