guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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