hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
