i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They are going to name an STD after you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
