Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.