So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea