I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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