There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT