so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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