i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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