I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
God I need to hump something, right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
