I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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