you traded sex for a burrito?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night