Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.