You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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