Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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