I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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