I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
