Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Everything about him screamed your future.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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