Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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