i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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