I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
