i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
True strength comes from lack of pants
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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