Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
