hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
