i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
