sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
