got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
