In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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